On request, this article is a republication of an article that appeared on "therosemaryallison"
Although this article is based on fact, any similarity to people or events is purely coincidental. This article was created to inspire thoughtful discussion, and is part of a work in progress.
In the time I have lived in this town, I have seen people have been “bullied", “mobbed", or “stalked”. In one case the person being mobbed told me it was the young people in the area. She said they did not like her because she complained about the loud music at the bar, and the sound of the glass bottles being thrown out in the early hours when she was attempting to sleep.
She was, when I knew her, a “tough old bird”. She knew all the paths and where the wild greens grew. However, she was also considered eccentric, or even mad. Thinking about her, years later, I would say that she was the town scapegoat. She was the town witch, and she was fortunate that we do not live in an era when witches were burned at the stake.
The other person I knew, who was mobbed in this town, was a young woman who owned two horses that she kept in the township's barn. This barn had been constructed to house the animals owned by people in the community, as far as I know, rent free.
One day the mayor of the town decided to rent it out. It was at this point that the woman reported that these individuals would show up in the barn when she went to feed the horses and act threateningly towards her. In the end she left the town taking her horses with her.
These are two cases of people being mobbed. Another, which I heard about by chance, was a couple from out of town, foreigners, who came here because it is very beautiful. Their lives were made unbearable, and finally they left.
In my own case, during the Covid-19 months of lockdown, my partner and I were threatened by a young drunk who threatened to "destroy" us (crushing a beer can in their hand by way of illustration). We are still targets, and are not sure why, I know my past dogs and some of my cats were poisoned or killed by an unknown hand.
I am curious to know, and to understand, the mechanisms, in this area, that lead to harassment. I am convinced that these are systems have been in place for centuries, and have been recounted in folktales down the ages.
For example, the stranger is hounded out of town, the youngest girl child is considered evil and cast out of the castle, the wise woman is sent to live in the woods, a strange child is born and rejected by its own parents. In folktales these “weak” individuals turn out to be stronger than those who turned against them.
We may be able to learn something from folktales.
But here I want to ask a dark and difficult question.
If a community can cast out one of its members, then how far is the same community responsible for the death by suicide of one of its own? Folklore may or may not provide me with answers, because I know for certain that I cannot answer this question on my own. Although, for a while now, I have been thinking about why people I have known have decided to end their own lives. These people were not friends, one was the adult child of people I knew, and the other, someone I asked to do odd jobs, like cut up a fallen tree, or fetch hay. Not anyone I knew intimately.
When I met my friend’s daughter, I was struck by how it felt as though she was created out of light and air. Light, airy, I had felt no pull of the earth in her. I was in the front seat of the car and she climbed into the back. I still remember her energy, high, clean, with the clear-eyed enthusiasm of youth. I was devastated when I learned she had taken her own life.
The other case was a young man. I understand he had been too much in love and had climbed up to a bedroom balcony one night. Was he drunk? What was he thinking? The police were called, later we heard he had hung himself from a tree.
In the latter case, I have been struggling with the question of whether or not the immediate community could be considered responsible for the death of one of its own?
know that some animals when they feel weakness will attack. Others will take care of the weaker individual. I am afraid that we humans may be part of the former violent animal. Too many times, when we feel the other is weaker we go for the jugular.
A few years ago I took a course with the Civil Protection in Italy, and unfortunately, was horrified to learn that one of the women running the workshop considered that victims of violence had "asked for it". I sincerely hope that this thinking has changed, but it may explain why the Carabiniere or police in Italy, or in fact anywhere in the world, are hesitant to formally acknowledge, or respond, to requests for help. Many times the one asking for help, for protection, is killed or attacked by the person who has been reported for their violent or antisocial behaviour.
Even recently I overheard a man say: “They are afraid of me.” He sounded proud. However, I think it is long past the time that anyone should be feeling pride when another is afraid of them. We should be feeling a deep and unyielding shame. We should be seeking help with our anger, our feelings of privilege or superiority, of how we act in a community. We should be learning how to reach out to our fellow humans with compassion, with a wish to learn and understand, with a desire to walk in another’s shoes.
Is there anything we can do?
I think, in the case of a small town, it may be time to contact the local authorities and request them to hold talks and workshops to raise awareness of the problems created by bullying, mobbing and stalking. All are parts of the same darkness in the human psyche.
On our own, we can seek to become more aware, to become more empathetic. This will be difficult for many of us who may not even understand what empathy might be.
If there is someone dear to us, who may be going through a difficult time, we can look out for the few signs of a person having suicidal thoughts. You can find these indicated on the Internet. The most common are noted by the National Institute of Mental Health (USA): Wanting to die; great guilt and shame; a feeling of being a burden to others, feeling helpless, empty or trapped. Shockingly, I have learned, if a person has already decided to end their life, they may appear calm and happy.
Think of the times an individual has entered a bar in a village and someone says: “Tell them to leave or I will leave.” If a person is fragile, they may hear that phrase and, if that is their favourite bar, will feel excluded, as though they have no safe haven, no place to go. If the village is small, there may indeed be no where else for them to go. I feel that the person voicing that thought of exclusion should be considered guilty if their words end by driving another to self harm.
We should realise that words can hurt, can cut deeper than knives. But again, only a few of us seem to be able to conceive, or even attempt, to understand how another may feel. I had heard that empathy is something that is learned. However, recently, I came across an article, on the University of Cambridge website, about a study that found our genes can play a small part in whether or not we feel empathy. (Researcher V. Warrier, 2025. https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/study-finds-that-genes-play-a-role-in-empathy).
This article also reminds us that empathy has two parts. One is that we are able to recognise another person’s thoughts and feelings, and the second is we can respond appropriately.
I am certain that a lot can be done to raise the awareness of parents, teachers and people involved with the public in why empathy might be important in a family or the wider community. Somewhere along the line we came to honour and fear the bully, to look up to them. I think that we can all see where this has led us.
Therefore, it may at last be time to rethink, to change direction. To do what we can to become more aware and caring. If empathy can indeed be learned, then maybe we may all need to be taking a few lessons.
This article has already been published on therosemaryallison.weebly.com